


You're the one to die for

by plikki



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Is it light or heavy? You get to decide, happy-ish ending, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26299639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plikki/pseuds/plikki
Summary: Marinette never thought she'd get to see the day when she'd be afraid of Chat but his reaction is truly feral. Then again, he saw her die, so it is to be expected.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 22
Kudos: 195





	You're the one to die for

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh. I really need to stop doing this. I'll veto music listening if it helps.  
> Another song-inspired fic. The song is not really angsty, in spite of the title, but I somehow made this one really heavy. 
> 
> (title from Aurora - To Die For)

Marinette had never seen Chat angry. Irritated and pouty, yes. But the stiffness to his jaw, like he was clenching his teeth too hard to stop himself from saying something insensitive, the way he couldn’t meet her eyes but she still saw how empty they were, like he was feeling numb and what came beyond that. She’d never seen anything like that. The cold and calculated movement of his wrist as he dropped the earrings in her palm, the way he turned his back to her. The way he didn’t even need to say a thing for her to know she’d messed up, big time.

“Chat,” _Adrien_ supplied her mind, because yes, it was Adrien in front of her. But it was her partner first and foremost. She’d deal with the rest later. “I’m…”

He whirled around so fast, a fierce expression on his face, that she took a step back. She’d never, ever been afraid of him. But in this moment, she felt a chillness she had never expected to feel around him. 

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry. If you value my sanity, don’t say it.” The words sounded so cruel, so unlike anything he’d ever told her, that for a second she wondered if she’d heard right. 

She understood, she really did. After all, this was how she felt every time he sacrificed himself for her. But she never got to voice her feelings. Maybe this was the problem. He needed to say his thing and then she would too.

She didn’t need to encourage him, she just stood there silent. He took his time, probably trying to cool off a little before having a go at her. But when he started, it was clear he hadn’t managed to get far.

“I really don’t know what you were thinking. Just throwing yourself in the line of fire. Knowing full well what was going to happen, and still doing it.” She winced. He was right. “I’m trying to decide which was worse - seeing you get hit, knowing that you were hurt because of me or having to take the earrings off of you and try to get back there and fight, alone, while the girl that I love lay there dead.” His voice cracked at the last word, the coldness in his eyes replaced by tears. She felt her own heart breaking when she saw him like that. He looked absolutely crushed. 

“I couldn’t just let you get hurt,” she said in a small voice. She’d done it too many times already. She’d stood there helpless, watching him get hurt again and again. This had been the last straw. For whatever reason, she’d had enough. 

“What is this supposed to mean? You know this is my role. I’m the punch bag, I’m the shield, I’m the dispensable one.” The words hit hard, each of them like a bullet to her heart, mostly because they were true. And the fact that he spoke them through tears, didn’t help. “This is why I’m here. It’s not you who should risk yourself for me. Never. I don’t want to go through this pain ever again.”

She tried to put a word in, but he stopped her.

“Don’t tell me you know how it feels. I’m not trying to belittle your feelings. I know it’s not nice for you to see me fall. But it’s not the same. You don’t love me. You don’t know what it’s like to see life leave you and feel as if it’s my own heart that has stopped beating.” He closed his eyes, swaying on the spot, no doubt reliving that darkest moment again. But her sympathy for him was suddenly replaced by something else. He was not being fair and she had to show him that.

“You don't mean that. How can you say that I don’t love you? Do you think I’d do this for anyone else? Willingly risk myself, look death in the face?”

Her words brought him back from his trance and he looked at her bewildered. She realised it had been stupid to feel afraid. This was her Chat, he’d never hurt her. So she took a step towards him and took his hands in hers. 

His hands were cold, like life had really left him for a moment there. And he was shaking. So hard that it was a wonder he was still standing upright. Shock, she realised. Belatedly, but he was reacting accordingly. She rubbed slow circles into his palms, trying to warm them up. 

“You’re the one who gives me strength even when I doubt there is any left in me,” she said quietly, her eyes on his hands “You make this all worthwhile. I need you and I’m tired of losing you. It was rash, it was risky, I agree. But I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I had to do it this time. I didn’t think things through, I had no time to worry about how you were going to take this. I’m sorry, I really am. But I’d do it again.”

A growl made her look up and meet his eyes. He obviously didn’t agree with her.

“Yes. It’s time for you to listen to me. I’d do it again because you’re worth dying for. I can’t imagine being here without you. So I will do anything to stop it from happening. I can’t imagine how much it hurt you, seeing me like this, but if it’s anything like what I feel every time, it’s a lot. It’s probably worse, you’re right. But you’ll have to accept it. The way I hate you dying for me and still put up with it. Most of the time.”

His hands squeezed hers, some warmth already returning to them.

“Look, I know it can be repaired. For a minute or two or more, it really feels like the world is ending. But when you know you have the power to make it alright, it hurts less. I wouldn’t have done it if this wasn’t the case. I’d never willingly leave you alone. I did it, but I wanted to get back to you as soon as possible. Because I don’t want to die. I want to live. You make me want to live. So as long as I know you’re waiting here for me, I’ll come back. I may not know much, but I guess this is how you feel too.”

He just nodded, clearly touched by her words.

“So I’ll apologise and you’ll accept it. And we will have to deal with all this,” she said, gesturing between them. Although this whole thing, knowing who he was and him knowing her identity, seemed so immaterial all of a sudden. They’d been through hell and back again, this was the least of their worries. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, just like she’d expected him to do when he realised how hard he’d been on her. 

“I know. And you had every right to react like that. Come here,” she said, finally letting go of his hands and letting him fall into her arms. She felt the sobs wrack his body and had to fight her own tears. This was their reality. A lot of pain and little reward. They had to put on a brave face and move on every time because everything was fine and they’d won again. But the nightmares were there along with the anxiety about losing the other one and it all built up. 

Maybe now that the masks were off and everything out in the open, they would be able to deal with this better. Communicate more, be there for each other, leave nothing unsaid. She really hoped so as she stood there with him in her arms. And she’d work hard to make him understand that she loved him too. It had taken her a long time to realise, but there was something to be said about things being put into perspective. 

She felt him hug her tightly as the sobs subsided and she knew they would be alright. 

**Author's Note:**

> No kiss, cry with me 😢


End file.
